The comments on my earlier post were so helpful. This one, in particular, from karymayhickey, instantly helped…
“As one of my friends on the message boards pointed out today to another person who had broken her abstinence streak, “How would you have felt 9 weeks ago if someone had told you, you’re going to go 9 weeks without drinking and then you’re going to have 3 glasses of wine, but then you’re going to go right back to not drinking.” What would that scenario have looked like 9 or 10 weeks ago? Impossible? Well, now you’ve accomplished the impossible. You can do it again.”
If I went back in time to the morning when I woke up and knew, deep in my bones, that I had to stop drinking, and held my sad face in my own hands and said “you will not drink for 65 of the next 66 days”, I would have been ecstatic. I am ecstatic. I’m also so proud of myself for getting right back up on the horse before it bolted away again.
Maybe I’ll never be one of those people who gets to 15 years sober or some such. But if I can get 15 years down the track and say “I’ve been sober for 15 years aside from 3 occasions when I drank”, I will be fine with that. I’d be overjoyed with that, in truth.
This is not a pitch for moderation in the slightest, but a recognition that my path is my own and it may not be perfect. I’m raising my chamomile and lavender tea to imperfections, to life-affirming slips, to sober internet friends, and to keeping on going one day at a time.