And this is why I don’t come here any more…

Because of shit like this:

This podcast and the intro to it which popped up in my reader this morning. I haven’t been here for a while and I thought maybe the companionship would be good. But stuff like this triggers me to the point where I wonder if immersing myself in sober blogging is perhaps the reason I haven’t been able to string together any long period of sobriety for three years. 
So you don’t have to put yourself through the personal agony, this piece of whiny and judgemental crap just heaps a whole lot of guilt upon anyone who happens to enjoy an alcohol-free beer or a nice drink in a fancy glass as a ritual at the end of the day. That will allegedly tip one right back into drinking too much.

I’ve been having some excellent results using the ideas in Annie Grace’s “This Naked Mind”. I’m feeling joyful and free and happy about sobriety. Posts like the one above dig deep into the darkest fears I’ve held about never drinking again, like that I’ll always be hyper aware of it, that everything is a trigger, that I will never feel completely safe.

I know Belle has helped a lot of people. This, however, is just saying something because she appears to have run out of things to say about sobriety. Is living an entire life talking, writing and preaching about alcohol really living a life free of alcohol?


17 thoughts on “And this is why I don’t come here any more…

  1. This is the oddest thing! I’ve had a break from ‘here’ too. Not from sobriety (still teetotal darlink!) but I’ve not been sober blogging. But earlier this eve, I had the urge to write and see how y’all are doing and you Sparkly were one of the people I was wondering about. With my first toe dipped back into the sober community pond (about 5 mins ago), yours is the first post I read. I love the conicidence. I’ve never done the podcast thing and I don’t know much about Belle, so can’t really comment on that podcast in particular (I can’t follow the link?) but I will say that I totally appreciate your questioning a life spent writing and preaching about alcohol. It’s not for me, which is why maybe I take myself away for a while every now and again. I don’t know – but I am nosy and like the companionship and am, for one, really pleased to see you here. Hello! Love from The Sober Garden x.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve missed you! And I’m so glad you are still okay. I feel the way I used to about online motherhood communities when my babies were young – I needed them but in other ways they were the worst thing possible and made me question everything I was doing.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey there!
    I try to avoid anything that involves money. I know many people spend many hours working with sober issues, and they perhaps deserve to be paid. But it’s just not for me.
    If you look around everyone has an opinion. I try to consider them with an open mind and the. Just take what I need. I did t listen to this podcast as I am a firm believer that if you like mocktails or alcohol free beer or grape juice that you should drink it.

    Everything we do doesn’t have to have an ulterior motive.

    I hope you stick around! It’s great to hear from you!


    Liked by 3 people

  3. I know there will come a time when I will no longer blog. I have already had days where I was ready to delete my account. There is more to life than writing or thinking about sobriety all the time. Like you said, when I was younger I read so much about parenting styles and buried myself in a number of forums where all anyone talked about was their kids. It made me feel inferior, as though I would never get there. Thank God I pulled away. But for now, in these early days, it helps and so I plod on. I drink a bottle of non alcoholic beer ever night and nobody can take that away from me. I am living….quite nicely…and if a non alcoholic beer helps then Hallelujah to me

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I get you on this. At one point, I had to take the leap from thinking / reading / talking / immersing myself in recovery 24/7 to actually living a life! What was the point of being sober and happy if I wasn’t actually out there and living life? I too took a break from the blog for a few years. I feel much more balanced. And as for the NA stuff and all that – to each their own. It’s not for me, but that is just me. But the bigger picture of fear – well, like Anne said, it’s not a good motivator. And like you said, not everything has an ulterior motive. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. 🙂


    Liked by 4 people

  5. I don’t drink NA beer – because I used it in my madness year of relapse on relapse so it has that memory etc. with me. Also if I’m honest I don’t like the taste of beers like that – I drank stout – there is no NA Stout for some reason. I wouldn’t want to drink it.

    But often at home wine glasses are placed on the table at a family meal and a selection of bottles are placed in the middle. One or two might be wine, often something my wife was given as a gift that is collecting dust somewhere (normal drinkers – never understand them) and then some sparkling grape juice or apple juice.

    I used to think that was mine… so when others took that not the wine and they are a normal drinker I’d be burning with resentment inside. So funny. Now it is just normal to me I just see it as juice in a glass – that glass is a glass it can take wine, juice, water etc. I have no association for me.

    Keep yourself well – love Paul’s quote… ” Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.” … mind you tell that to Bill Clinton!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I thought that was an odd post from Belle as well. Her husband doesn’t have credibility on the topic because he has never struggled with recovery and is a normal drinker. Why disparage someones sober tool? For some it is trigger and should be avoided; for others an AF alternative works. I just take what helps me and leave the rest as Anne said above. Have a great day and be well!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’ve been wondering if you were doing ok, I was happy to read this. I’ve had the occasional NA beer, I don’t think it’s a big deal. I’m starting to see that it’s far more helpful to focus on moving towards a positive and expanding new life rather than spend our lives looking back over our shoulders and jumping at drinking shadows and keeping the obsession going even in a dry state. Take care, hugs x


  8. Hello, my friend.* I agree with much of what’s been said. Stay positive, do what works for you. I tried to link into the podcast, but couldn’t. I find, with Belle and with others, that often the advice feels like it is for people in early days. If it doesn’t feel like it’s not for me, I don’t fret. There’s a common reminder in education that it takes all kinds of teaching styles. If a particular person doesn’t appeal to me, there may be someone who needs to hear the message in that way or in those words. …. I am glad to see you, as I’ve been thinking of you these past weeks. Love.* -HM.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I’m so happy to hear from you!
    Everyone had great comments!
    I believe that in recovery, We each travel a different road.
    We make our lives richer by not drinking.
    What works for me doesn’t work for everyone!
    Have fun in your life!


  10. I understand this post completely! It is my humble opinion that things like parenting and addiction are SO STRONGLY talked about, often with an attitude of FEAR…because these things are so important, so hard at times and can go so horribly wrong too. I find that in practicing acceptance I can just let go of the things that I read or hear that I disagree with…
    I don’t call myself an “alcoholic” or an anything-oholic because I don’t believe that’s how it works. I drink AF-beer on rare occasion (no reason really). I don’t go to meetings. I don’t listen to those dumb articles on parenting that say “do this don’t do that, blah blah blah.” I also don’t care for people’s political rants either.
    Regardless of what everyone thinks “works” or “doesn’t work” for parenting or healing from addiction/illness…what people desperately need is support and empathy. So I’d encourage you to find that support…and have people that you can safely work out your ideas with as you find your way to healing from drinking.
    So glad to hear from you!


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