Doing something different…

Because what I am doing/have been doing for the past 3 years is clearly not working. If it was working, I wouldn’t be fighting off an evil hangover at work on a Thursday morning with the barely-adequate remedies of mint tea and salty chips. I wouldn’t have gone out last night intending to have one drink with an old friend and instead having an unknown but assuredly enormous quantity of Pinot noir while at the very same time subjecting my poor friend to an emotional rant about how much my drinking worries me.

To that end, I have decided to take the advice you’ve all been giving me for years and go to an AA meeting. There is one on Sunday afternoon. I don’t expect this will be some kind of magical cure for anything, but it might be one thing to put in my (currently very empty) sober toolbox. 

If I could just put some willpower and self love in there as well, I might not find myself full of aches and regret at my desk every week, promising that this will be the last time.

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18 thoughts on “Doing something different…

  1. So much of what you say here SS resonates with me, professional career.. children…responsibilities …the guilt then of as I call it falling into a rabbit hole which I must have a warren round here. This week I was supposed to go back to work after some leave but instead fell down said hole and after blacking out on a train yesterday and then medicating my way right back to Mrs Fun because I’ve drunk through my hangover sucks when reflecting this morning. I like your post. Keep strong. You can do this. These are also messages I tell myself. Maybe I should consider AA. I’ve recently joined the ‘breaking free’ community which is giving some tips. Anyway. Good luck. MPx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Good on you LMJ! It’s a brave thing you are doing, I know, and, trust me, by doing it, you are opening the door just a little on your will to change and embarking on a path that will – if you do the suggested things one day at a time – begin to restore your self-esteem and eventually your sparkle.
    It may well feel a bit of an alien environment to begin with – but listen out for the similarities to your experience when people speak at the meeting and not the differences. People will “get you” as in understand exactly where you’re coming from, if you do decide to share at the meeting. I find it tremendously comforting I can go somewhere where I am instantly understood and accepted for who I am and for the addiction I live with. If you hear or meet a couple of people with whom you identify – it’s totally cool to ask for their phone number – they will be more than happy to talk to you when and if you need help or just for a chat – this is how the “fellowship” that they talk about works – or at least part of it – and having that particular resource on hand has kept me sober in a couple of emergency situations where I would have most definitely relapsed if I hadn’t picked up the phone and talked to a fellow member first. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you well for this significant step in your recovery. Keep your ears and mind open and you will find the sober tools you are after. Good luck! Ben

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      • You’re more than welcome – me saying I told you say ain’t what it’s about though – I just want to see you well and experience the kind of change I have experienced. I was just going through the motions ‘watching my life slide out of view’
        – now my life is better than ever before and I am at peace with who I am – I would love the same thing to happen for you. Be well. Ben x

        Liked by 1 person

      • PS – before I sound like a complete born-again – my wife says ‘you used to be a drunken aresehole – now you’re just an arsehole!’ We do have a much better relationship now I’m sober though – despite my chronic arseholery! Good luck.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Awww hugs for you. How did it get away from us? That’s a question I ask myself consistently and I’m sure you have too. I may check out an AA meeting this weekend as well… not feeling the best this morning *grumble*. What is wrong with me??? Anyways, another hug and take care of yourself xx

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  4. Sparkly, I still feel this way with aspects of my life. It’s as if I want someone else to give me the answer, but in truth, I don’t want their answer, I want my answer. And I wanted my answer all along … until my answer REALLY doesn’t work. then I want your answer.
    Wishing you all the best on your new adventure on Sunday.
    xo Lisa

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I find AA can be very helpful. Just remember there are folks from all walks of life and stages / perspectives of recovery. It can be a great in-person community, just like the online blogging world. AA can help reinforce a sober identity and lifestyle, and provide a range of tools to promote sobriety.

    If one particular meeting or one specific table is judgmental or gives you bad vibes, shop around to another group or another table. AA has helped me get periods of sobriety of 12 years and 3 years X 2 twice. All my relapses were at times when I hadn’t talked to an AA person or gone to an AA meeting in over 3 or months.

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  6. I am happy you are trying something different. Belle always says that, and it stuck with me.
    The first times I tried AA, I didn’t have any connections, and relapsed.
    I tried again about 3 years later, and found a wonderful group and never looked back.
    I found real life people who understand and support me as well as the wonderful I receive support on-line.
    The most helpful thing for me, was to “take what you need and leave the rest” motto I heard one time.
    Big Hugs,
    Wendy

    Liked by 2 people

  7. LMJ, here and cheering for you. Rooting for you. Got your back. On your side. …. All to say, you are not alone, my friend.* Not in a million years. Hold fast through those tricky bits/minutes, to the next minute. Lavish self-love and -care all over yourself. Whatever it takes. You are beyond worth it. Worthy. You’ve got an army of sober sisters behind you. *flex* Love, -HM.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I think part of the power of AA is the acceptance that comes when one goes to a meeting.
    It is a concrete, visible and braves step towards recovery.
    You can’t know it’s not for you until you give it a good try.
    And anything is better than hungover regret.

    YOU CAN DO THIS, the freedom is there. The joy. The relief.
    Hugs.
    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

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