Because what I am doing/have been doing for the past 3 years is clearly not working. If it was working, I wouldn’t be fighting off an evil hangover at work on a Thursday morning with the barely-adequate remedies of mint tea and salty chips. I wouldn’t have gone out last night intending to have one drink with an old friend and instead having an unknown but assuredly enormous quantity of Pinot noir while at the very same time subjecting my poor friend to an emotional rant about how much my drinking worries me.
To that end, I have decided to take the advice you’ve all been giving me for years and go to an AA meeting. There is one on Sunday afternoon. I don’t expect this will be some kind of magical cure for anything, but it might be one thing to put in my (currently very empty) sober toolbox.
If I could just put some willpower and self love in there as well, I might not find myself full of aches and regret at my desk every week, promising that this will be the last time.